All Along
by SaturnineSunshine
Summary: "Her words of love and devotion still echoed in his ear and he still felt the sense of pride and self importance that this beautiful goddess had chosen him out of anyone in the world. He was the one worthy enough for her to grace him with her presence."


**A/N:** Totally forgot that I had this and that I had to post if before Monday (OMG ITS COMING BACK.) Another S4 (obvs) that was yet inspired by Prison Break. Seriously. Sara/Michael/Nika=Blair/Chuck/Eva. Or so it seems so far. TONIGHTS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

**Summary**: Her words of love and devotion still echoed in his ear and he still felt the sense of pride and self importance that this beautiful goddess had chosen him out of anyone in the world. He was the one worthy enough for her to grace him with her presence.

**Disclaimer**: All credit is to Prison Break and Gossip Girl. Its not my fault they're so awesome.

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_She knew she wasn't looking at the man she knew. The man she thought she really could love. That man was sweet to her. He was selfless and he was genuine. She really thought she could love him. But she learned better the hard way._

_That man was just a facade. Just a mask concocted to hide from the truth. And the truth was that she couldn't measure up. She was just a French girl out of her element and when it came to Chuck Bass, she didn't know him at all. When it came to Chuck Bass, she could never love him like that. She didn't know him. Couldn't love that person that was loved so selflessly by someone else. Eva could never love Chuck Bass like she did._

_"Where are you going?"_

_His voice sounded so lost but she continued throwing her things into a suitcase._

_"Eva."_

_"I'm leaving," she finally said, finding the last of her belongings to stow them away. She looked up and saw the fear and desperation in his eyes. This wasn't the man she knew. Because the man she knew didn't exist._

_"Please," he said but as she looked at him, she knew that word was unfamiliar on his tongue. His eyes weren't matching his mouth. "It doesn't matter. Whatever happened, it doesn't matter."_

_"I'm leaving," Eva sighed, the force of his eyes something that she could never really deny. She wasn't like his people. She couldn't keep it all in. "I really thought I loved you."_

_She watched him flinch at the words and she knew it was making him uncomfortable when it hadn't before. When he was free to be a good person. But it wasn't real. None of it was real._

_"I can't be here for you," Eva said. "I can't just be someone you're dependent on. I thought I could let you lean on me. I thought maybe I could love you and it would be worth it. But I can't be just the girl you call when you need something."_

_"You're my girlfriend," Chuck answered. "I care about you."_

_"Not enough," Eva said. "Not like that."_

_"Not like what?"_

_His voice was even and serious but they both knew what he was talking about._

_"I thought this was real."_

_His eyes met hers and it was something that she didn't recognize. It was dark and unfamiliar and she knew that she really didn't know this person at all._

_"Did you know all along?" Chuck asked. _

_"Since the hospital."_

_"Then why did you even come with me?" Chuck snapped. And she saw him. The person that was loved so fiercely, passionately, desperately, without any repentance that it could lead to this. That she could be forced out by some society princess with a fake, sweet smile._

_"I thought I could change you," Eva answered honestly. Chuck laughed harshly._

_"No one can change me," he said. "I will never be any other way. I know that now. I was a fool to think I could hide from who I used to be."_

_"And that's why she loves you," Eva said. "Because she is exactly the same way."_

_She watched his jaw clench and she knew that he didn't like this. Didn't like the blonde talking about his former lover like that. _

_Former, but forever._

_He just didn't like losing. And the dark haired beauty's spiteful and fake words of the past month seemed to make so much sense._

_"Are you going to go see her?" Eva asked. _

_That smirk was someone of a stranger._

"I'm sorry, but he needs sleep."

Chuck listened to the thick Czech accent and hated the feeling of relief as Eva's steps faded away after her dismissal. He was trying it. He really was. He could be a good person. He wished he could have done it with someone else, but he wasn't strong enough. But he would be now. He would be strong enough to push away the past. Because the past hurt the person that he cared about the most. And he wasn't going to go down that road again.

Chuck attempted to sit up, the pain medication swirling his head so the room spun. He had done this for a reason. A pretty blonde girl saved him and he could do this thing. He could pretend to be a normal person. He could do it.

He could forget about the person that mattered the most. He was getting mixed up. This medication was making him even more heartsick than he knew possible and the more he tried to forget about her, the more she taunted him with her memory. The way her coy society smile could turn into a betraying snarl. How her prim and virginal facade could turn into his dark temptress.

The way her eyes rolled back when he touched her.

Her words of love and devotion still echoed in his ear and he still felt the sense of pride and self importance that this beautiful goddess had chosen him out of anyone in the world. He was the one worthy enough for her to grace him with her presence.

And he had ruined it. He had ruined everything and he wanted so desperately to let her go. But he couldn't. He couldn't and suddenly the cell phone he should have gotten rid of in his decision to rid the skin of his own life was in his hand with her number still at the top of his speed dial.

He didn't expect her to answer. He never did. And she never would.

Until she did.

_"Hello?"_

He froze but he could at least close his eyes at her magnificent voice that he would probably never hear again.

"Blair."

There was silence at the end but he could hear her quickened breaths and knew that she was listening.

"I don't have a lot of time."

He didn't know why he said that but he was hazy on painkillers and he had the strangest feeling of paranoia.

_"I don't want to talk to you."_

Her voice was quiet but she wasn't hanging up either. She was still listening. And he was still talking.

"Please," he found himself saying. "Please don't hang up on me."

She was still quiet.

"I just want you to know," Chuck continued with difficulty, "how sorry I am."

"_Sorry_," she whispered. _"Haven't heard that from you before."_

"Blair-"

_"Sorry isn't changing anything."_

Chuck turned his head towards the door of his room, sure that he had heard distinct footsteps.

"I have to tell you something," Chuck said, feeling the acute pain dulled by an abundance of pills. "Something that happened."

"_I don't need all of the gruesome details. I was there. I don't need a recap,_" Blair answered. "_I don't even know why I'm still listening to you_."

"Not about that night. After, something..." he sighed heavily. "I know I don't deserve this, but I just... I miss-"

"_I can't,_" Blair cut him off. _"I just can't."_

He could feel the words. The words in his drug addled mind that would make this all better. The words that would send her rushing to his side. But he didn't want her pity. He wanted her forgiveness but he didn't want to trap her in his web of deceit again.

He knew that she was as fragile as he was. Her emotions were cracking and he was glad there were miles separating them because nothing would have stopped him from crashing into her again. He wouldn't let her hear his words of longing. It would just bring them right back together.

"_Was that it_?" Blair asked brusquely. He knew this wasn't healthy for the either of them but he couldn't help himself. Whenever it came to her, he could never help himself.

"Something happened to me, here," he told her. "When we went away from each other..."

The floorboards creaked and Chuck was positive that someone was there this time. His drug induced stupor couldn't let him think of anything correctly except her. The very real person on the other end up the line.

"_What is it_?" Blair asked.

"I..." But the words wouldn't come. He couldn't tell her how he was in a degrading hospital with the worst medical care because he just wasn't Chuck Bass anymore.

"_What_?" she asked, more impatiently this time.

"It's real, Blair." He said the only thing that was every true between them. "I know that you can't possibly love a person like me anymore, but it's real. Whatever was between us and whatever comes after, it's real. You and me. No matter what happens, we will always be real."

The end was silent and he wondered if maybe she had just hung up.

"_I know you_," she finally said. "_I know your voice when it's like that. You're high. And you won't remember this conversation in the morning anyway. So just forget it, Chuck._"

"It's real," Chuck said, almost with a sigh of relief because she had finally said his name.

"_Chuck_-" Her voice was full of remorse but his finger hit end and he pulled the battery out of its plastic casing, dropping it to the floor because if he stayed on any longer, they would both realize how much there was no letting go. He laid his head against the headboard, pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling the very real gravity of what he had just said.

But not the person who had been listening the entire time.


End file.
